Blue Days
by Thingy
Summary: Shunshin Yoruichi had just been doing what she does best, going forward with a speed unrivaled so the details around her became blurry and all that was visable was the road ahead.


_AN: I do not own Bleach nor the lyrics for the song (Blue Days by Racoon, in case ya didn't know). If I did, well. Just think of what would happen because I'm too lazy. Big thanks to SunaEkaki for telling me I made up words and pointing out the glaring grammar mistakes. Now all go look Suna up so that damn profile will finally be edited -_-_

_---_

_**BLUE DAYS**_

_**All broken down and shut eyed,**_

_**dangerous down the road.**_

_**People's tricky business,**_

_**turns to overload.**_

_**Don't remember clearly.**_

_**it's blank behind the eye.**_

_**I caught up with the memory,**_

_**I never said goodbye.**_

_**I never said goodbye.**_

_---_

_"Think back some more now. Try to remember, and don't hold back. Compare us. Between you and me, which of us shines... as the greater warrior?!"_

---

We met so many years ago.

I didn't know your name but there is no doubt you knew mine. Rushing to your training, you bumped into. You blushed, stuttered, apologised. With a smile I said it was okay. Before I had the chance to ask your name, you dashed off.

With that same smile I walked on, amused by your antics. I never thought we'd meet again, although I have to admit I forgot about you soon after. When we did meet again, I was quite surprised. I saw you again and you blocked my kick. Both of them enough to surprise me. But it was neither of these things that drew my attention to you.

It was more the power you held. The first time I saw you, I thought you a weakling. Stuttering and blushing? It was not like any of the strong warriors that surrounded me every single day. But that second time, every single one of your moves was well calculated. It spoke, breathed, power and strength... and arrogance?

By proving me wrong in my first assessment of you, I opened my eyes and paid a bit more attention. This time I asked for your name.

"Soifon."

I wanted to use your strength.

My love for fighting is nearly non-existent, and yet I was constantly surrounded by people who lived for nothing else. Perhaps I was just being selfish when I ordered for you to become one of my personal bodyguards.

But it was not _just_ your strength I wanted to use. It was you as a whole. Nothing in my life held that innocence you showed me the first time. There was nothing or no one in my division I could look at and not think about fighting, hurting...death. None of my subordinates were special. They all looked the same, had the same dead eyes and the same dead attitude.

And then there was you.

Unlike them you looked alive. Blush painted on your cheeks. Different than the rest. When you dodged and blocked that kick, your eyes shone with a determination I hadn't seen in a long time.

I intended for you to become a distraction from my everyday life. Instead you became my friend.

Of all the people I knew, all my friends, there was none like you. I had boisterous, genius and cold-hearted friends. People who knew everything and nothing, but above all, they didn't really need anyone else. Drop them in the middle of nowhere and they would all be more than fine on their own.

You, on the other hand, depended on me so much. You followed me like a little duckling and worshipped me as if I were a god. I would be lying if I said it didn't flatter me. But besides that, it scared me. It scared me in a way that I wasn't sure how to behave towards you.

Could I truly see you as my friend, even though you made it obvious we were not the same? I decided against it for the time being.

So in the beginning it was just that; I was your commander and you would do anything to serve me. Not long after you surprised me again though. I thought I had figured you out. Loyal, strong, shy. And just as stupid as the rest of them. Cattle, mindless soldiers, fit only to follow orders or to die trying.

But only when I first saw you in the heat of a life- and death battle, did I recognise your strategical talent and how smart you really were. I decided it would be idiotic to let all of that go to waste and started to train you personally. I helped you improve your techniques and guided you with reaching your Shikai.

It was in this period we grew close. While you learned and improved you fighting, I learned a lot about you. Besides the things everyone could see, I slowly learned how to read you.

When you frowned, oh so slightly, I was doing something you didn't like, whether it was out of concern for my safety or social stature. When you subtly bit the inside of your lower lip I was talking to someone you didn't like. Kisuke often made you do this.

If you were upset your lips were slightly thinner and your eyes a darker grey. But when we sat talking after practise, they would always shine with a intensity that made me forget the stars above.

---

_**I remember faces,**_

_**behind that wall of yours.**_

_**And I remember fist fights,**_

_**until one of us dropped.**_

_**I don't recall all details,**_

_**some are better off.**_

_**I wish it was possible to review the best of.**_

---

Now I can see how important those meetings, and you, were to me. Just like you I was born in a cage for one purpose only.

Neither of us had the freedom to slowly grow up as a child should. We were leashed, tamed and taught how to perform our tricks. My trick was to become a respectable leader and make my family proud. Yours was to be able to follow your commander even if it meant death, and also, to make _your_ family proud.

You were successful in both while I failed at mine. I never became that leader to look up to. Of course, I am more than aware that you used to, but through my own eyes it was painfully obvious.

In these past 100 years, I slowly realised what I did wrong. I was always too focussed on myself and what I wanted. Of course, I cared for my subordinates and what they needed. What they _wanted_ just didn't seem too important. They needed to do their job and not be unhappy. Details never mattered. Then you came along.

Like that time when I dropped by in the middle of the night for a surprise visit, I was shocked by the small room you had and even had to share with three others.

A matter I never cared about before. It never sank in, but instead kept floating on the surface. You always said everything was just fine, and I always believed you because I knew you wouldn't lie to me. But now, not having you one step behind me to reassure me, I know what I did wrong. It hurts me to realise these mistakes, for there are plenty and too big to be acceptable.

---

_**Day by day it hits in,**_

_**thanks for all you did in the blue days.**_

_**Bit by bit it hits in,**_

_**thanks for all you did in the blue days.**_

_**I gotta try a little more.**_

_**I'm an asshole but I'm learning.**_

_**...yeah I'm learning... finally.**_

---

Do you remember that time as well? When you desperately tried to convince me Kisuke wasn't captain material? Not listening to you back then is one of the things I don't regret at all. No matter how much you might dislike him, he made a good captain. Without him many would have died by Aizen's hands.

I admit he toyed with you too much, just trying to ruffle your feathers. But for me, that was always one of the best times of the day. I enjoyed having my two most important people from the division with me, bringing my otherwise boring office to life.

Our free days spent on lazing about, Kūkaku and I gulping down sake as if our lives depend on it. You and Kisuke silently bickering, trying to make sure I didn't notice. Parties we dragged you to. You always tried to stay in the shadows, not being noticed by anyone. And always, you failed. All of us had a too big presence and you, with your stiff attitude, drew more attention than the rest of us.

The thought of that time I carry with me until this day. Besides it being all of us, everyone whose faces I wouldn't want to forget, it is also one of the best memories I have. Not often would we all be together and not give a damn about status.

Well, with you being the only exception, of course. You never seemed to be able to let go of the things you were taught since birth.

An admirable trait.

You even went completely out of character by disobeying my orders to loosen up because you thought it disrespectful. You never realised that you were just as disrespectful by not following those orders.

But it is how you were and why you belonged with us.

---

_**This is a picture of us all,**_

_**standing in the hallway,**_

_**looking quite ridiculous,**_

_**a little overdressed.**_

---

To become a respectable commander and a capable captain, especially if you're aiming for the Covert Ops, it is more than necessary to have a certain knowledge of the world and its people. It was one of the most important things I learned as a child. I knew the world. I certainly knew its people.

Aizen... His betrayal was a shock, yes. But the moment we noticed something unusual, Kisuke and I started making plans. We knew something was going terribly wrong and we guessed that the threat could only come from within the Gotei 13 itself.

We didn't manage to find out who it was. Not in time at least. Nevertheless, our plan, our possible flight... everything was taken care of beforehand.

When Kisuke lost control at the captains meeting and when everything went wrong, I was on standby. But things didn't go as we expected them to. Our plan became useless and all that was left was for us to run.

I had no choice. Had we... had I stayed I would have either been sentenced to death or been imprisoned in Maggots' Nest for the rest of my life. Had I stayed, I would not have only destroyed my own life but yours as well.

All the lives of those who believed and trusted me, all their dreams would have been shattered. They, and you more than anyone, would have followed me in death, as was their duty.

Besides that I didn't fancy dying or spending my life rotting away in prison.

So we ran. We ran for our lives, because we wanted to keep them and live them.

---

_**You never understood,**_

_**I had to take this call.**_

_**Because without dreams... there is nothing left at all.**_

---

The pain in your eyes tells me how angry you are at me. You obviously still don't understand any of the reasons behind my actions. You know, you just made me realise something.

The impact you have had on my life and my personal growth has been enormous, I won't deny that. I never realised... no, I never even considered of the impact I might have had on you in return. But now I finally see what I've done to you.

In your eyes and your face I can no longer see that innocence you once held. I can no longer see that sparkle or that blush on your cheeks. As you stand here in front of me, I can no longer recognise my little bee.

I know you are there. Hidden away behind those layers of pain and hate towards me. I have changed you. No warmth is coming from you anymore. All I can see is someone fuelled by rage and revenge, and I don't know who you are anymore.

I remember that hand stroking my hair, its touch so much gentler than now when it grips your sword.

A child when I left and a captain now. Had you not been made of ice I would have been proud of you. Instead I cannot help feeling angry.

Oh, I realise how much I meant to you and what you must have felt like when I left. But do you have so little self control, so little discipline? You blame everything wrong in your life on me. You say it is my fault you became this way. That it was me who broke you.

You don't realise everything has only, and always, been controlled solely by you. I had never left you out of anything before. The fact you immediately decided to label me as a traitor, shows your obvious lack in respect and trust towards me. By then I considered you my friend, someone who knew me. But obviously you never had a clue about who I am, or was. You never look at things from my side.

Had you not chosen to seek revenge but instead to accept the decision your commander made with every right she had... Then you would have been a so much stronger woman in so many areas.

But now, I cannot help but think you are weak for giving in just like that. It doesn't make me care any less about you. After all, you've proven to be just a child growing up. Given the right circumstances and the right amount of time, I'm sure you will become who I always dreamt you to be.

I know I have made mistakes. It is about time you realise the same thing, little one.

---

_**Day by day it hits in,**_

_**thanks for all you did in the blue days.**_

_**Bit by bit it hits in,**_

_**thanks for all you did in the blue days.**_

_**You gotta try a little more.**_

'_**Cos you're an asshole,**_

_**but you're learning.**_

_**You gotta try a little more.**_

_**You're still an asshole, but you're learning.**_

_**You're still learning.**_

---

Why I didn't take you with me, you ask?

Because I wasn't thinking of you. I wasn't thinking about any of my friends who weren't directly involved in the incident. The little girl who I loved with all my heart and cared so much for wasn't on my mind when we fled with death on our heels and in our arms.

I thought about safety and how to possibly keep my friends alive. You... you were not in any danger but most likely peacefully asleep. You never crossed my mind as we made our way to the other side. It wasn't until Kisuke mentioned you the next day it suddenly hit me.

The promise I made to you still stands. I still will be here for you. Together with you. When you can understand why.

These words...

None of these will ever pass my lips.

I have hurt you enough already.

So forgive me.

Please forgive me my silence.

"_Soifon"_

_---_

_**Broken down and shut eyed,**_

_**dangerous down the road.**_

_**You say I took a sideway,**_

_**you say I broke the oath.**_

_**I don't remember clearly,**_

_**it's blank behind the eye.**_

_**I caught up with the memory.**_

_**... I never said goodbye.**_

**---**

_AN: Sooo. I hope you liked this~ _

_Thank you for reading and if you can be bothered, leave a review. Otherwise, thank you anyway._

_Poll on my profile for what I should write next. Well, next next. I first need to finish a fic for a contest OTL But I had this thing half finished on my compy and wanted to finally post it..._


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